if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
