i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
