My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
