If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
