The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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