why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
