Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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