Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize