I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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