I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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