So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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