somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
