thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
