Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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