Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
