I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
