sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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