batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
