He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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