Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
