Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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