end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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