i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
