I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
