note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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