I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
