yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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