I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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