marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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