Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
