Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
