she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
