Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
