Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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