That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
