The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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