Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
