this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
