Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
