I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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