Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I will die if light touches me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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