You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
