Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
