1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
