Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
