She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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