i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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