her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
