hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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