I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
