Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
