oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
