Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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