So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
