I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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