Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
