Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
