For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
