Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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