using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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