I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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