It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
do nipples grow back?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
