I looked at my own cervix.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
