Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
